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07 March 2014

5 things NOT to take or do on Cruise!

You see many lists of stuff you should take on cruise heck I even have one on here.  I started thinking about all the stupid stuff I've seen people take and do on cruise.   This countdown is of the Funniest and most stupide things I've seen people take or do on cruise.

Fleshlight- Don't know what it is?  Well it looks like a big flashlight that you take the top off and you have umm a discrete portable latex vagina.  Apparently to use it you need lube and after you are done you clean it and use talcum powder to keep it soft.  What ever happened to the good old happy sock?

Desktop PC-  On my 2nd cruise I kid you not we had an IC1 that would bring his Desktop on liberty and setup either in a mall or hotel lobby to use his PC.   It was the funniest thing seeing him leave the ship with a big old rolling suitcase and then seeing him out in town or at the NEX all setup taking up a full table with his tower and all his peripherals and those big gaming headphones  Nerdom at its best. 

RC Helicopter-  We had an ET2 on my first ship that after receiving a new $600 RC Helicopter thought the flight  deck would be the best place to test his new toy. After clearing it with the Flight Boss one Sunday ET2 took his toy to the Flight Deck.  With a dozen or so people watching the craft lifted off and took to the clear blue skies.  The joy and excitement in ET2’s eyes as he buzzed the tower with his new source of entertainment then he took the copter for a loop everything was going well, that is until a sudden gust of wind threw the craft  into a death spiral sending the $600 toy plummeting down into the drink. The Helicopter was promptly fallowed by the $150 remote.

“Fresh” Fruits- Every day well you are underway you clean.  Our birthing was spotless but we had this funky smell engulfing the whole space.  We tried everything to get rid of the smell, spraying Febreze in all the shoes, getting a new mop head, we even had everyone change their sheets, But that smell persisted.  It got to be so bad that during the XO’s inspection he ordered a health and comfort for the entire birthing.  So all the chiefs came down and we stood at our racks opening them to be checked. Right before I opened my rack one of the chiefs yelled “WHAT THE FUCK!!!  ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?! How the fuck long has this fucking Pineapple been in your rack?!?!”.   It seemed one of the ITSN’s had decided to keep a pineapple he found on the beach at our first port visit this was near the end of cruise.  It is amazing what can happen to a piece of fruit in 6 months.  The ITSN was cleaning the birthing every day until the end of cruise after that.
Lost Bird- We had been underway for about a week crossing the Atlantic when coming back from the smoke pit we noticed a sparrow outside drenched by the rain and huddled in a corner.  The poor thing looked so cold and lost so what did we do?  Of course we got a shoe box and took the bird back to our shop.  That night right before we turned over the watch out of nowhere the bird stood up and just started flying around the space.  Crashing into radios and equipment then the damn animal flew into the back right in to our LCPO office.  “WHAT THE HELL? HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN HERE?” is all we heard then the banging of a broom,  like in a comedy the bird flew out of the Office with our LCPO right behind him swinging a broom.  After about 30 minutes of chancing the damn thing we finally got the bird to fly out the scuttle.  To this day our chief has no idea we had taken to bird into the shop.

Have you seen people take or do stupid funny stuff on cruise?  If so add it to the comments below.

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